his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
