do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
