just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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