I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
