evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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