he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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