i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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