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Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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