I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
