I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
