I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
