My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize