Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
