We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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