I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
