you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
