You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
