hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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