dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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