yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
