I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
