I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
