shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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