every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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