Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
