you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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