THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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