p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
