I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
