i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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