you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
