Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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