youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
