Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
