Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
