he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
