shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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