don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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