he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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