I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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