i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
