My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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