i would punch a child for taco bell
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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