Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
