he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize