If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
