Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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