I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
