he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
