haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
