Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
