She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
