so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
