I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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