my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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