So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
