Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
