Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
