Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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