i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
