Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
